Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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