she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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