Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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