brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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