I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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