you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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