allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize