i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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