Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
