Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
