Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
True strength comes from lack of pants
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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