If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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