I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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