You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
the raccoons are back...
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