Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
