Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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