I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize