Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
