It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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