I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
