This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
