I just made out with a guy for $7.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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