Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize