I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
