If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
