i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
