dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
