I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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