so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
