If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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