his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
