Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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