every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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