So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
