I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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