If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
