True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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