PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
