another moral hangover. fuck.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
