I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
