Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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