halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize