sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
