I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
