I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
