I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
