having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
