There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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