Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
