My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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