i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
