ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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