I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
