a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
