I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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