Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Never joke about your clitoris.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize