My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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