i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
