Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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