Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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