So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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