I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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