I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
