TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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