I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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