Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
