I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we're chasing vodka with high fives
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
