you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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