She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
