I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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