Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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