we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
