if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize