you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
